I am so inspired by the way Visa is running the Olympic ticket sales scheme, I may adopt their sales policy for my own business this month. After all, we all trust Visa – they’re a large ‘household name’ corporation in a financial industry which is well regulated. They have the endorsement of the UK Olympics committee and the UK government in that they have been granted the right to be associated with the games by their sponsorship. Their sales methods must therefore be spotless. I can’t go wrong, can I?

So, this is how all my new clients will go about ordering a new website this month, in line with Visa’s UK Olympic ticket policy…

1. Indicate the kind of website(s) you would like. There will be a choice of single page, medium size or “like Amazon’s”
2. Choose where you want the site to be hosted. Options will be “on a server in a UK datacentre”  or “on a random person’s home PC somewhere in a former Baltic state”
3. State your first, second and third etc. choice of website subject. Examples are, “Plumber’s website”, “Solicitor’s site” or “Genealogy for Beginners”.
4. Provide your Visa card details (NB. other cards not allowed)
5. Wait until May 2011
6. Have an unknown sum of  money deducted from your account according to the final cost of the website you have been allocated.
7. Wait until the end of June 2011
8. Be told what kind of website you’ve been allocated and how much you ended up paying.
9. Wait until summer 2012
10. Get what you paid for a year ago (but not neccesarily what you originally wanted)

Think it’ll work?

With today’s news that Tranmere Rovers have sacked their manager John Barnes and assistant Jason McAteer, putting the team physio in temporary charge, the following fan known as ‘ByeJohn’ posted this to the BBC’s 606 sports forum. It’s a classic…

“As a lifelong Rovers fan I thought I would translate the clubs press release;

The Tranmere Rovers board have concluded that for Monday’s crucial home game against fellow Championship 1 strugglers Stockport, the team will be in better hands under the guidance of the club masseuse than under John Barnes (he was honestly that bad), and the current manager will now be geeing the players up as well as giving them a good rub down.

With the weight of John and Jason’s ineptitude lifted from the club we look forward to the inevitable and ultimately futile relegation dog fight, but I would like to reassure the fans that the board is fully committed to aimlessly wandering around the board room for the remainder of the season, occasionally bumping into things, and wondering how on earth they have managed to turn a perfectly respectable local club into the biggest joke in football since Thomas Brolin’s waistline.”

Now that would have been a great press release!